Testy Tuesday – 50 Ways To Goose The Markets?

The problem is solved inside the Fed
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Pour on the QE
I’d like to help improve your Economy
There must be fifty ways
To goose the markets – Paul Simon

• You drop all your rates, Jake
• Centrally plan, Stan
• Value destroy, Roy
• Make the money FREE

Well, you get the idea…  

There are so many ways to manipulate the markets, I don’t think 50 covers them.  Yesterday morning, with our futures down about 1%, NY Fed President Bill Dudley felt it neccessary to save us by saying he felt the path of rate increases would be “shallow,” once again pushing back expectations of Fed tightening and dropping the Dollar 1%, which lifeted the markets 1% back to even.

From there it didn’t take much to puch the markets higher since all the players who went short on Friday in the Futures on the TERRIBLE jobs report (and huge downward revisions to previous reports) were forced to cover and, with Europe closed for Easter Monday and the bond markets closed – money LITERALLY had nowhere else to go but US Equities.

“If we raise interest rates and portfolios perform poorly, that’s likely to slow us down.” – Dudley

Wow, I did not know it was in the Federal Reserve’s charter to make sure your portfolio is performing well, did you?  Thank God we’re in the top 1% investing class and not one of THEM or I’d be pretty pissed about all this meddling on our behalf.  I must say it is very nice to have our own personal Central Bank looking out for our interests…

This is, of course, an indication of how endemic market manipulation has become that one of our own Central Banksters doesn’t even feel the need to disguise his motives anymore.  He’s there to protect our investments – this has nothing to do with the US economy and everything to do with keeping the top 1% happy. 

And look how happy we are!  As you can see from the chart above, we’ve taken all but 25.6% of the wealth from the bottom 90% but that will soon be ours as well as we take over the water industry and begin raising those prices.  This will guarantee they have to sell what few possessions they have left to survive and that 25.6% can begin to trickle up to us.